Hey! So I know its been exactly a week since I posted on here last, but I feel that I have a lot more to talk about .
Its been a more relaxed week I would say :) But theres still this feeling of some thing missing within me. I miss having a relationship, feeling loved and someone worrying and looking after me. I keep watching Romantic Comedy films and it makes me more aware of the part that's missing. It would make more sense to avoid that type of movie completely for a while... but the trouble is, I'm addicted. I'm addicted and obessessed with the love stories, and the heart-aching feelings that they endure, but also the 'happily ever after' part which the main characters end up with as they walk towards the sunset.
Everything in my life is going really great. I'm finally feeling happy. My foundation course at UCA is going really well and I finish in less than 3 months, then I've got my place at Bucks New University for September. Textiles is still my absolute passion and I loved doing my textile internship with zoe, and I really want to do more and more. Most importantly, I have the greatest of friends who, although I don't see them often enough, I know we'll find our ways back to each other especially in the summer. The same with my family, I couldn't get by without them and my teenage moans with my mum and grandparents have disappeared :) I feel so much more matured in myself but theres still a long way to go.
Apart from all the great stuff which is going for me, that missing gap within me is like a small cut. Its only minor but when you focus on it for too long, it can feel like the most agonizing thing in the world. I'm not sure what to do with this feeling. One part of me wants a relationship and experience those amazing and at times cruel feelings; to have someone who loves me completely. However the other part tells me that its too early and right now I need to feel a little lost inorder to be found again later on.
Right now I'm focusing on my Final Major Project which is the very last part of my foundation course at UCA and I'm very excited about it :) Its the most crucial part as it actually gets graded, so no pressure!
I apologize if this sounds like a depressing post, but its raw feeling that I've had for a while now and it looks like its here to stay. I've wanted to tell someone about it, but its difficult when you're trying to not sound ungrateful for what you have, or sound rather depressed. I guess this is one reason why I like writing on this blog. Instead of bottling it up, I can spill it out to you and maybe even get some advice back.
If you do have any words of wisdom please let me know and share it with me. I could really do with a second opinion and the faith that everything will be okay.
Speak to you all soon
Sophia x
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